Before I attempted my first make up job, I read all I could find on the how to, tips, and tricks that I could find on-line, bought Joanne Roberts video, and books “Making Faces.” I spent a ton of money at K-Mart gathering the items that I would need, which may explain why this particular store did not close its doors. I used orange lipstick as beard cover, applied a cream foundation, and then powder to set it, and then the blusher. After I was finished, I went to examine myself critically in the mirror. I was appalled, my skin looked to me exactly like that of an orange peel. I would definitely NOT pass looking like that. I began the first of many decisions that would affect the rest of my life. My skin was very rough, with large pores, and covered with many extra layers of make up. I knew that I needed to reduce the amount I was using, and I also believed that powder accented my pores, so that was out. And, if I didn’t have this beard, I could eliminate all of this level of cover up. So that began the facial hair removal quest. I also read that HRT would alter your face and make your complexion smoother, and that was the impetus to begin taking hormones, so I could have a smoother face. I needed to do something about these fine lines and wrinkles, along with some slackness around my neck, which I have taken care of by facial liposuction, and laser facial dermabrasion. Other benefits would come from these hormones as well, as I was trying to simplify the transition from M2F, such as breast development, hair loss cessation and the ability to take medication to enable new hair growth, fat redistribution, and the softening of facial features. To make the transition to living full time as smooth as possible, I decided to have facial feminization surgery, in an attempt to take my recognizable male facial characteristics, and turn them those of the gender I wished to become. So I had my chin moved back, my jaw tapered, my lips lifted closer to my nose, and a tracheal shave. Then after all the swelling has gone down from that surgery, it would be necessary for a neck, face, eyes, brows, and forehead lifts, and nose feminization. This is the stage of transition I am in at this time, amassing the funds required for this second to the last step. Surely when this is completed, I will pass.
Don’t think that this was all accomplished in a week; in fact some of the effects of HRT are just now being noticed, 18 months since I got on this elevator. However, as a result of this work, I now do not believe it necessary to use any make up other than eye shadow and mascara for eye definition, and lip gloss in my day to day presentation. I believe that helps me pass. I have been letting my hair grow long so that I will not have to wear wigs, which I feel a strong indication that you are “different,” and make it easier to pass.
Concurrently with the revision in my physical appearance, I began my socialization by meeting first with members of a local TG support group, and they took me to restaurants and clubs, and got me comfortable being around non-tg people. It was my understanding that passing has a lot to do with attitude, and so I felt that experience was the best teacher. Equally as important as attitude is feminine movement, and vocalization must be artfully presented. Add to this mix the necessity of dressing appropriately to fit the situation, and you have all the tools
All of this brings me to this point, Do I Pass? The only way to tell is take my show on the road, which I did. All of this preparation would be fruitless if I would be read as a guy in a dress. I went to the local mall last Saturday, for a shopping experience. I felt comfortable with myself, and walked confidently through the stores, browsed and purchased a few items that were on sale, and the gender police did come to take me away. Next to the make up counter, asked for assistance without incident, and then I began to wonder, “Are these people just being polite and not saying anything, or am I passing?” Then to the clothing stores, I took several items of interest to me into the dressing rooms, with no one having the slightest interest in me. I did not notice young mothers shielding their children’s eyes as I passed by. This shopping experience emboldened me to try the Casinos in the nearby town, a lot of straight people there, and in the gaming atmosphere, inhibitions will be reduced. I got dolled up for a fancy dinner, but it turned out that I was over dressed, most of the public were very casually attired, and I noticed that a lot of heads turned as I walked by. Then I wondered, “Are they looking and wondering, What is that, or were they thinking something more pleasant?” I believe that the answer to that question comes from within yourself and your state of mind at the time. I went to the Casino, and sat at the bar for a while, listening to the music, playing video poker, the decided to stroll through and look for the friends I had met there. As I was making my rounds, about half of the folks turned to look; the others were too busy in their affairs to notice me. I got a “Hey baby,” and unfortunately I had been enjoying my gin and tonics, so I turned back to say to the fellow, “You know I spent $32,000.00 to look like this, just so I could come here and meet a guy with your class.”
And you know what? I still wonder, do I pass?
Thanks for listening.
Allison
